After watching this film and reading Adam's comments I think it's safe to say I had a decidedly different reaction to the material. Adam, in what you wrote, I felt I was mostly reading synopsis and buzzwords but you didn't really get deep into why this film was so affecting for you. It did, on some levels, work for me similarly, although I can say I didn't wholeheartedly get engaged by the material. I'll try to share both the things that did and did not work for me.
I started today after with a bit of a movie marathon. I don't know if this movie's filmic company did it any favors as it was arguably the weakest overall film I screened. One movie I watched had a story which took place over roughly a year (compared to three generations) and roughly 95% of its duration had just the two main characters on-screen, while not the "sprawling epic" (as the "behind the scenes" feature on the My Family DVD proclaimed) of My Family, it decidedly left me pondering mortality and family in a much more poignant way than I did after seeing My Family.
I watch hundreds of films per year and one thing I try to steer clear of is overwrought sentimentality. I feared for soap opera-like dialogue and characterizations in My Family but in large part this was not the case. Some of the drama worked, some scenes/scnerarios seemed less natural than others, etc. I guess my reaction to that is it felt a little uneven.
Adam mentioned in his comments looking at the acting, which I think is a terrific way to go, and I'm going to couple that with my general feelings on the effectiveness of some of the performances and story cogs. My favorite moments in the film were after Jimmy completed his first stint in jail and married Salvadoran refugee Isabel. Isabel, played delightfully by Elpidia Carrillo, really brought me back into the film. Similarly to how she brought life back into Jimmy, she also served to ignite the film, bringing a verve and rawness that felt more authentic and enthralling than much that proceeded or followed it. The scene in their bed, where they both unburdened their souls, finally connecting, was one of the film's best. So, you can imagine my disappointment when mere minutes later the screenwriters killed her off.
Stuff that didn't work so well for me, never been a Jimmy Smits fan, this didn't do much to alter my viewpoint (sorry, Adam!). I didn't feel he brought a lot to the role, wasn't forced to really stretch his capabilities or challenge or reinvent himself in any ways, etc. Some of the aforementioned story cogs that didn't appeal to me were the "Americanizing" of Memo, with the clueless, hopeless caucasian family held captive in the wilds of East L.A., the portrayal of Chucho and gang life in general of the time weren't handled expertly, and lastly, the relationship between Jimmy and his son Carlitos never clicked for me either. Jimmy's indecisiveness, such as running into his son on his way out the door escaping his life, to then swearing he'll never leave again, felt patently insulting and supremely poorly written/plotted.
I was surprised at how effective I found superstar Jennifer Lopez as young Maria, but disappointed in Jenny Gago's performance as her. I felt a disconnect as if it wasn't the same character due to the different approaches and natures each brought to the role. The only Oscar it was nominated for in '96 was Best Makeup due to the generational aging effects which were fine. There were a couple lines I liked which I don't recall verbatim, Jose, the family patriarch, at the wedding saying the riches of a man were his family, and secondly, when it was said (by the narrator I believe) that Jimmy never thought about the future but now that he had a son on the way it gave him reason to think of tomorrow.
As Adam said, I think the film does allow you to examine family, dignity, etc. and look upon yourself and your own history. While most of us don't have such bold pasts -- siblings shot, marrying priests, walking a year to find home, etc. we can relate to the ebbs and flows, up and downs, that come with being a family.
I just felt like Carlitos coming into the picture was really important. Birth, death, life experiences, some good some bad, and to consider themselves lucky after all that really struck a chord. It's also powerful because over a year later I still remember the last scene vividly. With the death of his brother and his love interest, a normal person would be down-and-out. Then it's discovered that he has a child, the last scene finally shows acceptance and joy in the face of Jimmy.
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